There are choices I have made that even years later weigh heavily upon me. I consider that weight to be a good indication of growth, reflection and a tenacious commitment to truth and integrity. My reflections and writings are a way for me to unravel myself and the unconscious fault lines within me. I think we all have them; only through the application of specific pressure in specific areas do these fault lines crack within us all. It is a gift that I now know the landscape of my own vulnerability and I actively try to choose differently than in my past as I have come to accept the shape of my human frailty. I have learned that every action, every inaction is a choice. I have committed, in every new choice, to more deliberate action, to more considerate and courageous integrity. I know I have difficulty saying no...to my family...to my friends...at work...and yet every day I commit to the deliberate practice of becoming more conscious, more exacting in my choice making.
So when I chose you, know that it is with knowledge of vulnerability within a great fear of loss and pain. Know that I am wise enough to know that choice is ongoing...a living commitment that needs to be made day after day. Know that it means I understand there will be challenges and circumstances that settle between us and I will still consciously and deliberately choose you in every moment of every day for as long as you will also choose me. It means choosing to turn my face towards rather than away when I feel lonely and disconnected. It means choosing to reach out rather than close in when I am mired in sadness and sorrow. It means choosing you to be the recipient and holder of my ecstasy as well as the guardian of my secret vulnerabilities. It means silently saying yes over and over again to you, to your offered hand and welcoming eyes.