1. Clay

From the recordings Ghostlines and Ghostlines

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I sit and try to give space to my clay thoughts, they feel so thinly brittle right now. I feel I should be able to mould the supple feelings, the watered paths, but all the alluvial lines are dark, stained by some shadow I fear to place words around. The wild places cannot be caged, hairs on neck and grass thoughts that run through silvered wind. Words are cages, holding in meaning that I so desperately want rather to let go of. To find my way around the shards, that once held such static beauty, but now are shattered fragmented words. I need them to be so, I cannot take such clean lines, such cultured musings, they kill me over and over again. I give into these shadowed shapes I don’t know arising from my trembling hand, twisting. We start so pliantly, so easily marked or marred, sometimes I feel like Prometheus, dying again and again for the spark. Or maybe nothing more than his clay creations, nothing more than rolled dust into numbered moulds. With clay hands and a clay heart. That is my fear named. And it begs me to shatter the shape I have created for it, for I have been both pliable and unmovable How can one be both? The heart always moist and the body cracked earth.

Written in 2010


Clay hands, clay hearts
Fragile in beauty
Clay dreams falling
Falling shards to ground
Oh father, father I tried my best
To make real the life of this flesh
I'm molded and sculpted by you
For this spark, I die
Die over and over again

Clay thoughts, clay fears
Shaped to be brittle
Clay jar filling
Filling with hope to be more
Oh father, father I tried to be
All that you made me to be
I tumble, descending from you
For this spark, I die
Die over and over again

Oh father, father I'm more than just
Rolled dust, tears of a golem
For knowledge, I slip down
Hollowed casts and break
Clay shame bleeding (Clay shame, clay need)
Clay need heeding (Graceless and dirty)
Clay will numbing (Clay will crumbling)
Clay ties crumbling (Crumbling, dust to mouth)
Oh life of fire, forgive of me (Oh father, father I've bled all my nails)
This sentient heart (Clawed earth and rusted blood)
Alluvial fire (Scoured by this fire, I'm cracked)
Cracking all that I thought I could be
Know me, father
Love me, father
Break down these chains (Let go of these chains)
That I might die (That die, die over and over again)
Die over and over again (Clay hands, clay heart)
(Fragile in beauty)