It hardly seems possible that tomorrow I am flying to Toronto to mark the beginnings of a new project. This time, it's a small demo with the intent to apply for funding for a full length album, but it's a beginning of sorts, with new songs stepping off the pages of my notebooks and into their own living space. I am starting to feel excited! Part of me isn't, the part that can't believe I will be stepping on a plane tomorrow with a binder full of new songs. Feels unreal after being in Heartwood's space for so many years. Feels almost as if I need to step out of Heartwoood, strip it off of me, like a piece of clothing, and be naked for a few minutes before putting something else on. I do feel a bit naked, it always feels that way with new songs, little pieces of me that I hold tightly against all buffeting words. There is a deep exposure that comes with the presentation of new material. It always feels vulnerable, and I feel protective of this world I have started to build for a new album. One of the songs coming with me to Toronto is one I was rushing to finish, and it is so new I am not even sure if the words are set, it is all still tumbling around in my head. It feels almost fragile as if the ink of the notes and words were still wet and easily smudged. I have been trying to sing it a bit, to let it sink into me but the excitement for the trip makes me dstractable, and I end up fidgeting and alternately packing and playing notes on my piano ~laugh~
Already the threads of these new songs are wrapping themselves around me and I can see myself falling headlong into the years it will take to bring this into fruition. My thoughts are full of strings and the stories. I don't even know which songs are going on the demo, which is at the same time exhilirating and terrifying. It means trust, not only in my voice, which has been difficult over the last few months of cold after tonsilitis after cold, but also in the process by which music comes into being. Trusting the voice that is my own unique perspective on the world. Trusting there is a place for me, for my music.
The air was particularly still today beneath the translucent sky. It's a moment, a quietness, the bottom of the breath that lays void before being filled again by the quick intake of air. That's what today feels like, space that will soon be filled with music, thoughts, activity, performance. But for now, I let the light hold me, let the snow blind me to all but the crystalline day. Tomorrow my breath fills again and this moment will be long gone, but for now, I will just be and perhaps dream a bit of desert eyes held within the fabled sun.
Scheherazade
Spin me a tale for your life
And make me believe again
Take me away from this farce
Of monstrous and kingly vice
How I want you to love me
To love me unbound
How I want you to need me
To need me unfound
Beneath your fabled sun
And your scorpion moon
I need you to want me
Beyond the infinitesimal sands
I see through this cunning plan
A dervish of word's desire
And yet the wind to my fire
Is the honeyed voice of nomad eyes
How I want you to love me
To love me unbound
How I want you to need me
To need me unfound
Beneath your fabled sun
And your scorpion moon
I need you to want me
Beyond my infinitesimal crown
Oh thousand nights
Forgive this sabred pride
That morning betrays
Could it be
My life will be redeemed
To know
To know
To know that you love me
You love me unbound
To know that you need me
You need me unfound
Beneath your fabled sun
And your scorpion moon
I need you to want me
As much as I want you
