Heart-sister, 
conjoined tidal song
resonating from within
the deep waters of time

Yawning ebb, 
yearning flow
between the life-shores
of our liquid connection 

To me, 
you shimmer
the goddess held magic
of dancing waves 

Sun glitter
mesmerizing
within swirling patterns
of sensient reflection 

An initiation
A call to mystery
the blue swell rise 
Of synergy’s currents 

You are

Wind singer,
Lore keeper
of the shared world
I call home

we lay fallow in each other’s arms
dreaming beneath the cocoon weight
of the people we were 
within the people we were with 
we lay fallow 
having seasoned the harrowing
of past love
fallow within the dormant scaffolding
of resurrection

too soon the gentle light coaxes
a wakening to tomorrow
seeded beyond
the quiet field of us.

for a moment I remembered
a different you 
than my storied perspective 
of a shared past

I remembered
and all the wounds
of youthful indifference
melted 
into the fortitude of your lean body
so beautiful in the moonlight
it hurt to breath

She tended you like a garden in the desert

Roots searching beneath sand and time
for the long drink called love
always just beyond
cracked plains of an arid heart

You were so thirsty, ill equipped to
persevere through yearning droughts
The taste of scarcity still sears the edges
of expectation

You know
Plenty is a season
An abundant face hiding the long bones
of want.

There is silence in the cracking of things unseen
In the disintegrating threads of the memory of love
There are some words that cannot be spoken,
That cannot be given shape within the edges of consonants
Thoughts drifting like lost continents on the sea of separation.  

I open my cupboard and inhale deeply the comfortable smell of coffee.
This is the mark of you in my life
for I never developed a taste for bitter
Even you,
sleepy eyed before the wafting tendrils wander
through house and dreams
nudging your mind towards wakefulness
even you cannot claim you have a taste for bitter,
heaping sweetness as you do
letting each beautiful granule dissolve
No you do not let bitterness mar you tongue
you taste only the complexities of sun on leaf,
loam of time and place,
tiny signatures painted upon your lips
and I, immersed as I am in this tender world
of steam and pressed ritual.
They say scent is the doorway to memory
I stand on the hinges of space breathing in
each lingering marker of you
And smile.

I parent alone now

The anchor weight of
of each fragile floating tear
drags me beyond the distance line
into murky depths
of sleepless night guilt
alone.

Even the buoyancy of joy
bends within me
a pressure differential
between what is held inside
and the external landscapes
of the word “family”

There is no us
it has sunk beneath
the deep
Litter too far fallen
under the pressure of our past
to ever be safely recovered

I don’t miss you
I miss the decompression
of a partner
the equilibrium of ear upon word
of a shared knowing
that breathes
with equal force
past, present and future
all balanced on the thin edge
of together.

Moment pass
dissolve like bubbles
of air into skin and bone
I must keep them all
written on the fragile shoreline
between memory and time.

Singular I am a guardian
of all these passages
I worry that details
will slip from my hands
droplets flowing back into
a nameless ocean
of solitude

You left
Told me it was impulse
the spontaneous desire to be anywhere but here

Later, when I cried
you cited grief & sadness
a bibliography of loss
to support a conclusion
of laissez faire uncaring

there is an irony here

You stay there
experimenting with happy
a rogue scientist
leaving behind the rules
of evidence

From a distance
your statistics are inherently flawed
manipulated madness
from a sample of one
There is no causation
only loose correlation
between reason and desire

I have my own theories
observational studies
based on patterns of loneliness
that I use to extrapolate
the probability of my own significance

There was never space
within the lean lines
of your fortitude
for even the question
of me

For insistence of words
or persistence of presence

I asked
held myself taut
against the buffeting wind
The sound of
differences between

Answer enough perhaps
in the lonely exhale
of your breath and mine
The howl of our
disconnecting pressures

She sleeps in your bed still
A fragment of half-remembered dreams
Feeling with no substance
Her words linger, cloying
A perfume opening sweet
With high notes of memory
Taking leave in a finish
Of bitter let down

She stalks my phrases
Haunting nuance
Laying upon my meaning
With the subtle
Doppelganger smirk of
"I came first"
I want to peel her
from my skin, my words
From the shape of my desires
Pull her distortion
From my anger
And claim what is mine
Without the need to defend
Against what was hers

She will fade
Mist dissipates in the heat
of the morning sun

I watch, wait
For your eyes to stop
Tracing the imprint of loss
For your ears to finally stop
Ringing with the resonance of remembrance

 

 

Your singing eyes pull
The arrowed lines of time
Feathered edges
Dragged memory
The bowstrung song
Of a name quivering beyond&
The shape of my lips

Each mark jars
Loose a remembrance
Jagged thought
Pierced continuance
Splitting the furrows
Of these tree ringed lives
Colliding concentric

I am struck
In your marksman gaze
Shaft nested
Heart shot
Welling with the droplets
Of our remerging
Bright as the fire sung blood
Of distant music.  

Time drips slowly
Into all the cracks
Of fissured hearts
Broken anguish

...

I am as Orpheus
spent of my song
that I ripped
from the fragile casing
of my tears;
from despair.


I am as Orpheus
walking towards a tomorrow
that is behind me
told not to look back,
not to let my torrid eyes
rest on the face
that calls to me
from within the dreamscapes
of memory

I am as Orpheus
begging the makers
of time and fate
to grant me this one
one stay of execution
bartering conditions for
the smallest margin of hope

I am as Orpheus
haunting this ghost town
moving through desperately
believing that you
my love
are behind me
one breathe away

Believing
that if I just keep going
through this languid story
that somehow I will find
the strength to hold on
just hold on
until the darkness falls
away to reveal the light
of your heart stepping flush
against the beating wilds of my smile.

I am landlocked
Held cracking against
The parched lips
Of an extinct sea
whose name was desire.

I lay myself moist
Before hard edges
Of unforgiving horizons
While the ancestral
Memories of tides
Pull against
Sadly crescent eyes

I chant my name
Ceaselessly
In a piercing mute cry
Lest I forget
In this shriveled bed
The strange sound
Of my lush singularity

Remembrance is
A slick coat
Easily slipped off
To skirt the shores
Of abundance
But impossible to mold
To the drying hands
Of time.

I am of two
Worlds flowing seamlessly
The quickening surf
Between shadows
Of was and not

I once danced
Like moonlight
Upon wet sand
And knew nothing
Of arbitrary lines
Called possession

Now I wither
Held static
To a form
Landlocked
And dying for want
Of the inconstant sea.

I am catalyst
Alchemist of changed time
Transformation of need
At this accelerated
High reaction rate

There are habits
We call morality
Laws written
By unseen hand
On the infinite limits
Of infinite possibility

Was it my orchid eyes
The rawness of lips
That refused to shape themselves
to the name of your god
That made me dangerous?

There are cages
We call love
Bars taut
Beneath steel lacings
Of a corseting fear
for lost possession.

There is power in naming
I could not deny that
On your lips my being
Was a songline dreaming
Worlds into creation

There are paradigms
We call truth
Blood squeezing
Beneath the beats
Of a heart electric
Within righteous magnetism

When I love you opened
To time unconditional
I knew I would be
Beyond social decency
Absolved into shameless abandon

Once we were a single language
Tasted on two tongues
We knew the landscape
Of words

Upon the edges of crumbling borders
The semiotics of we forked
On dialects of difference
Unraveling meaning

A heart cannot speak
To ears clogged only
With the dust of remembrance and
Extinct phrases

Time has ways of wearing
All the structures of love
Into nothing but sand echoes
Of lost conversation

There is a space
When tidal blood
Rushes outward
Pulled past the bruised shore
A moment of emptiness
of a heart unfilled
waiting

It knows
Knows that death comes
not in blows
but rather parched expectancy
in the dry beds of holding
It doesn't take much
to lay a heart flat

Still
even as songlines fill
flood home in joyous influx
to a heart singing
It releases
in perfect trust
held breath draining
to stand bloodless
on the edge of death
or rebirth.

Moon
crescent cut
from taut silken twilight
colour bleeding upwards
cradling the wax negative
of light slipping beneath
the fences of night

Still
before birdsong
and the sound of day
pouring molten over
the eastern shore

I sit
chilled quiet
eyes closed
the feeling of you
immediate
hands reach
into grainy silence
as though you knew
and clasped

There is nothing
just wind of space
my heart sinuous beating
an electrical storm within

I come upon your truth
Quietly
Unheard in words that
Are casually dropped
Into layers of meaning

There was no cataclysm
Worlds end
In a lowing despair
That is far more shattering
Then shrieking carnage

There was never
Enough space
For all expectations
To come into themselves
For love unconditional

Even gods can’t give
Without
The thin mouth of caveats
Integers of love dependent
On such delicate circumstance

I come upon it
Falling
And lay as cold stones
On a lilt-less plane
Water pressed from
My bedrock heart

Day opens

Cracking night at the seams
Seeds of light falling
Through rice dreams.

The dripping notes
Of night’s reverie
Are images beyond day sight
Lingering
As tendrils of feeling.

The lost words are
as the pressure of sound
Weight
Holding me
While the content
Is licked away
By the winds of dawn.

Your love was an absolute
Which should have been a comfort
But wasn't
Steel-edged, held to a law
All onto yourself
While I messily drew
Equations out of quicksand

It should have meant freedom
Instead it was a trap
Each word carefully placed
Within the rigid confines
Of Ockham's explanations

You quantified, measured
With a hard held ruler
Units of supremacy
And said
"I love you more than you love me"
As though a heart
Could be weighed and found lacking

I never wanted a defense
Against the fortitude
Of your gaming belief
That each logged action
Priced word
Was a point won or lost
Within the culmination
Of love's adversary

Because your love was a line
Met or crossed
But never a circle closing
Around understanding
Around forgiveness
Around the infinite
Varieties of self in other

It begins and ends with you
This feeling
Thirsty desire met matched
Drunk with eyes
Crashing through time
Holding space taut
that I might fall
Damply endless
Mirrored in the shape of
your lips
Softly creating my name

It begins and ends as light
This collusion
Fitful coursing veins
waves, particles
things that are and not
Colliding to colour saturated
Tears of relief
In knowledge of polarity
Bonding open edged against
your heart
Curved pulses of pure gravity

It begins and ends
And thus never begins
And never ends
Though I remember red
As our beginning
In truth, we never began
Rather became
And when these star-dust bodies
Collapse as dying suns
The black hole weight of my love
Is only a universe created

Beginning and ending
Alpha Omega

Silence

It is swift softness
unheard wings
pulling a line
of death

It is sharp lucidity
razor revelation
born where darkness
meets light

It is clawed penance
pressed indifference
formed to mete
sophomoric justice

It is cruel love
held hostage
teeming with battered
words unsaid

We ascribe so much
to something
which is nothing
porous space
defined by absence

In your silence
Is it you
that is absent
Or I?

Time
There are never enough
stretched moments
to cover my naked love
To clothe
To map the contours
Of possibility

Possibilities
constrained by blueprints
to life fulfilled
to boys meeting girls
to bells ringing
and seeded rice dreams
of forever

Forever
holds its secret irony
sitting messily
outside boundaries
A beggar of questions
one, two, how many lifetimes
Promises hopelessly flawed

Flawed
Because time is false
It presents as a path
a golden thread leading
out of the darkness
When truly it is a heap
Of jumbled moments and unmade choices

Choice
Opens and closes
Each new universe
So when I choose you
Amidst every other held fork
I create from blood and ripped tears
A world made of you, of me

of us
Of time

Sometime after
I sat in my car
Sobbing
For reasons beyond
Thought and memory

Ground water hides
The cavernous hauntings
That trickle
Subcutaneous
A hidden wanting

As though we live
Two lives
One in stunned light
The other distant time
Lost beneath

Later reason resounded
I didn't know why
I drank so deeply
Of my tears
As mood dissolved

I said
I felt empty
When truthfully
It was that
I was too full.

It’s like we never met
The way our lives
Dissect away and apart
Lines moving obliquely
Perhaps parallel
But never crashing fitfully
Together

Words are masks
Worn and taken off
By the edges of night
Cheerful offerings
To indifference
While the heart froths
Seething

I could find, read
The carefully placed
Collections of your life
An unnatural truth begging
In the barren face
Of our public
Solitude

Instead I gather
The crumbling fragments
Of memories shaped
Into rolling mounds
Pleasurable agony
And wonder if I ever knew
You.

If the pretty girls knew
That their faces
Would buy more than drinks
Hands twitching low
Curved cunning high

If the pretty girls knew
That even changed rules
Are pressed against
The rigid edges
Of fair compensation

If the pretty girls knew
That the words
"You are are so beautiful"
Were less a gift
Than an expectation

If the pretty girls knew
That beauty plays
Shell games empty of more
But always the possibility
Of less.

If pretty girls knew
That silence
Was the currency
Bought by their perfect
Unheard lips

If they knew
Would they barter
Their face
For a sturdier fate?

You and I
Are not so different
Eyes shaded
In the same vein

Veins percolating
With droplets
Of time passed
As water

Our lips
have kissed in
memories and torrents
of air and light

We touch
because our bodies
dissolve over again
Sloughing into space

We touch
because currents pull
matter attracts
Tides are more
than longing pools

We are both moons
And planets
in dancing orbit
and are bound

Together but not.

I learned
Not to expect
To gather up whimsy
As though it were
The hallmark of
A truthful freedom

Truthfully
It was less freedom
Than a narrow binding
Of hope

We were the kind
Without
Without events, birthdays
Without knowledge
Of certainty

Even without expectations
I came to know some
Expect nothing
Expect silence
Expect pain

Expect to find
That without
There is very little
To fence in friendship
No lines to define
Or give grace.

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