Do all good things have to come to an end? Or is it better to think about all endings as new beginnings? My vocals are done, unless we get more funding and then even still, I think my vocals are pretty much done. This journey I started almost 2 years ago, is wrapping up, for me anyway. That seems like a silly thing to say considering that having the actual CD is just the beginning, but the creation part is just about done, and that is the journey I have been so focused on over the last 2 years.
Yesterday I sang in the studio on and off for over 7 hours. I wasn't singing that whole time of course, but we pushed right to the very end, with my last notes sung just a few moments before we were packed up and ready to go. There wasn't any downtime in the end, just working against the clock to get all the vocals in that we needed. I feel like I am hanging here in suspension, waiting for a feeling of finality. That sort of settling that happens when you just take time to breathe in a job finished. I am ready to go into the studio today again, except that my parts are done.
I didn't know that I could sing like this. That is the story of my life I think. I never knew I could sing until one day I just decided to take lessons just for the hell of it. I had no idea. Even in my first few lessons, I was surprised when she says to me "you have a very nice voice". Even after singing those first few notes, I didn't know. My voice was always mine, something I used to soothe myself, something that was deeply introspective and expressive, but not something I ever considered a talent. I am reminded of that today after listening back in the studio and thinking "I didn't know I could sing like that". And it felt...easy....it's just about letting go.
I think I always held myself in, felt that if I didn't, I would be too exposed, too vulnerable. And yet at the same time, tried too hard. How do those two things go together? I don't know, but they do. And finally I feel that I can let go of that. It's not necessary, I am what I am, there is nothing else to do but be me.
But you are what you are
And the storm it brews inside
Why, why, why
Oh why must you be a hurricane
These songs are alive now, breathing creations. I cannot wait to share them....