I have in my mind these days the idea of secrets, those that we hold so tightly onto, the parts of ourselves that we cannot seem to give up. There is this odd juxtaposition in my mind. See, people tell me things, they always have, it is both a source of honor and a source of pain for me. It seems as if some words desire to be spoken as if through the physical passing of them through the soft lips, all of the potency, all of the burden melts away. As if such knowledge builds up pressure within the body's small vessel, and desires to be dispersed into the air, dispelling the power it had. How often I have seen that look of ultimate relief, "I told someone and the world didn't end". Or perhaps "I told someone, and I am still lovable". I think that might the crux of secrets, don't we hold them in so as to remain worthy in other people's eyes? So many people carry so much pain, and it is a pain that leaves a legacy, a pain displaced from the time that created it.

And yet, there is this notion that the entirety of ourselves is not up for public display, that one perhaps can and should have parts of themselves that they keep solely for themselves. How much do we owe those around us? What do we owe ourselves? These thoughts have been playing in my mind lately, weaving in and out of images, finding themselves in the notes I play on my piano. It seems that we humans like things to be complicated in all ways, perhaps we just can't help ourselves.

All of these treacherous beats of the heart
Filling those caverns that long to forget
I cradle your trembling words
So wild within my chest
All of these secrets take refuge in my heart
Shadows seeping through my futile walls
Still, living is this tangled shame
Still healing oh my heart is not a weapon

Left in the tide pools, displaced by time
Orphans of longing, ghosts of the mind
You whisper what can’t be named
Takes substance in your eyes
All of these secrets are tearing you apart
Murmurs slipping from your harrowed heart
Still needing absolution
Still crying oh your heart is not weapon



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