After that wicked late night (I wasn't in bed before 3:30 am) I slept like the dead until after 10:00 this morning. Haven't slept past 10:00 for literally years. It was so awesome. Fi and Derek and I all headed down to the shorts film showing featuring a short by one of Fi's friends. One of the shorts was "Crank Balls"...~laughing~ Hilarious title, but those cranky balls are going to give me nightmares tonight. I missed the last half and headed back to the studio, where a lovely guitarist came in to do some bedtracks. Here is the picture of us looking like we might actually be enjoying ourselves ~laugh~
He is a tall guy...or maybe I am just short, who knows, but a very unassuming, brilliant player. Some people just have this unique way of looking at the world, you can see that their minds are always moving, creating whole entire universes that are literally beyond the ordinary. This next picture is entirely too serious, and definitely gives the wrong impression, but hey, let's put it in anyway ~laugh~
It is funny how old insecurities creep into your mind when you least want or expect them. The thoughts that swirl around today are at times intense in their longing for validation. Growing up I guess means validating yourself. We started the vocal tracks with my hardest, Hurricane. It is not there yet. Let me rephrase, the vocals sucked on it. ~laugh~ I just couldn't get it where I needed it to go. We will give it another try tomorrow, but it was a real downer. I write music that is challenging for me. Challenging in content, challenging to perform, and while I LOVE that, I love working on a song that is too hard for me, it felt discouraging today. Hurricane is doubly hard for me. The feeling is intense, melancholy, despair and anger weaving throughout, the notes long and sustained and the delivery needs to be a little more breathy, a little more intense than I usually do. Probably shouldn't have started with the first.
You're a whirlwind
Came in like a summer storm
Temptuous heat, precipitous release
Moving through everything I knew
I'm surrounded by you
Caught in your eyes,
Their dark restless seas take possession of me
Oh love is all I can see
I stood on the fire escape for a few minutes just breathing in the late afternoon air, letting it wash over me, trying to just breath. Breath and find my center. Breath and feel confident. Breath and know that these are songs that mean something, that have a purpose and that I am part of that purpose. Just breath.
Drift was next and that felt effortless. We did a few takes and that was it. There were some pitch issues until I just took one earphone off so I could actually hear what was happening in the room myself, and not through the mic. That fixed almost everything immediately. Something to remember for when we do Hurricane again. So from discouragement I am in a place of neutrality. Recording really is a facing of your own fears and insecurities. It places everything right in front of you, all your flaws, all your brilliance. Everything that is in you is displayed, brutally and honestly. Sometimes it is magical, sometimes it breaks your heart. I often feel like I was just put through the ringer. But I feel more settled this time.
Hurricane will come...I just know it will. It is a growth song.