Well, it is Christmas Eve, and we are almost upon the cusp of a new year. The darkest night has come and gone, the tangible presence of a year in passage. At this time last year, my CD was in production and I was still shell shocked from being newly separated. Fast forward over a year of release, of moving, of working extra hours to make ends meet, of a collaboration with Danish artist Nicky Bendix for an art installation of Tone Aanderaa's, mountain gigs, home town gigs, East gigs and a nomination for a Canadian Folk Music Award and I can say that it was a year well spent. ~smile~
I have been quiet,not just externally, but internally as well, listening rather than speaking. It is a lost skill in some ways, the deliberate turning inwards, and I have struggled, feeling as though I should be "doing" more. Doing is great when there are things to be done, but it's hard to think of quiet time as important and meaningful when I can watch the world moving by me at each still junction. Still, as I sit in the darkness this morning, I know that this too is what I need; the softness of empty space. As I get older, I can better see the invisible threads between my fallow, still time, when I am not outputting, but examining inwardly my experiences, absorbing them quietly, like the secret hush of roots calling nutrients to them and my creative outpourings. I need to read, to fill myself with words other than my own, to seek out thoughts that are alien to me, and then titrate them into my own. I need to fill my eyes with the wonder of the silent moon stalking the oblivious sun, of the trees holding sky and snow alike.
This all following the busy weekend of the CFMAs, where my weekend was filled with my showcase, the award ceremony and the following gala. I did not win in my category, as you must all be aware, but I could hardly begrudge the winner after seeing him perform on the stage before me, a masterful player. They say it's the nomination that counts, which has some truth but completely disregards that stomach dropping, disappointing moment when you are hoping, hoping that it is your name to be called and you are left in your seat with your name lost in the glory of another's. ~smile~ I am grateful for each moment that weekend, even the disappointment.
Finally, finally I have gotten my recording equipment working after a long moving hiatus and have demoed some of my new songs this year. As I release them from me, I can feel the internal sigh, as though I am cleaning out the corners of my mind, relinquishing all these stored notes and musical ideas and already there are new songs welling from within...one lyric I will share in a day or two, it has to be read by one particular person first (oooo...mysterious...). One is still percolating through me but I can give you the start of the a chorus that just appeared one day as though a gift in the doorstep of my psyche...
Oh, I'm frozen without you
I whisper to the wind my longing
Find me, free me, melt me, need me
Hold me, thrill me, move me, fill me
Wishing you each the happiest of holiday seasons in whatever form you celebrate. xx