There are some things in life you are destined to get addicted to after trying....chocolate....tattoos....recording. Yes, I do not want to finish recording my album. I write new songs, feel them moving inside my body and desperately want to record them. I dream of a new album even though this album isn't complete yet. I want to live in that space where a song is an evolving living creation, want to learn by doing (because that is the way I learn) and it is a yearning that feels intense, a wild animal keening within. Being so close and yet so far away from my album has been a downer in the last month. Doug is in Toronto and I WANT to be there, a want that is surprising in its desire. 

I already have in my mind another album, something that can in no way happen any time soon financially. If only finances and the creative desire were in sync. ~sigh~

I stood outside today and watched the nomad sky as I waited for my kids. Face to the clear cerulean, as the clouds undulate, mesmerizing in the tracks they lay across the sky. Reminded me of the sea and the way waves are cresting and slithering in what seems like every direction. Beautiful chaos but somehow it feels as if it is creating a song, a wild song filled with secret moving parts. I must be strange to my conservative neighbors. I scarcely hear the cars at such times, I stand with my face to the celestial bowl and want so badly to raise my arms, chest full of air and snow falling like a thousand stars. Time seems to stand still for me, I am so lost in the moment, in the thoughts that undulate like the sky, drops rolling to the surface to be lost in yet others, past and present swaying within that great sea of consciousness. I am lost in my own thoughts a lot. That sounds egotistical, but maybe what I mean to say is that I am lost in that vast universal consciousness a lot, hearing the songs of nature playing around and through me. I suppose it is it's own addiction too...



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